My husband and I have marriage guardrails. Rules, if you will, like not going to lunch or on drives alone with the opposite sex. It’s meant to protect our marriage. This is both of our second marriages and when you go through something as hard as a divorce, you want to learn from those mistakes. It’s way too hard to make them again.
That got me thinking about friendships. I’ve certainly had friends that have entered my life and, for various reasons, have also exited my life. Sometimes it’s having moved away that caused a friendship to fade, a new career path, a divorce. Sometimes it’s that values just don’t seem to be matching up so you have to pull back.
One of my lifelong friends is Pammy. We were introduced to each other when she moved to town, hit it off instantly, and moved in together. We had a BLAST! Late night chats, parties, playing dress-up, attempting to cook the right amount of rice…
Then I moved away. Our friendship remained, thankfully. We’ve been through so many of life’s turns together despite the distance. There was a time, however, not too long ago when I got an email from her asking if we were okay.
We totally were! But the question threw me. I had my head down busy with work—a major initiative I was leading—and then managing all that comes with a blended family after work. I hadn’t reached out like I normally did and she called me on it. I was so thankful that she did and it reminded me to not take friendships for granted. It reminded me that there are two sides and I need to play my part.
So how can we put guardrails up to protect those friendships? Friendships like these are an important part of my life. When you have someone that has been with you through the thick and thin of all that the universe can hand you, well, just like my marriage, I don’t want to mess that up!
Here are some guardrails that came to mind: 1. Check-in and don’t let time pass. 2. Be honest with each other (a true friendship can ask a question like what Pammy asked and a true friendship can also take the question). 3. Don’t just offer to help, send (or, even better, show up with) tacos.
Shout out to Pammy. Friend, you have always been true. You speak truth to me, always helping me to see what sometimes I can’t or don’t want to see. You are always supportive. You are always loving. You push me to be the best me. Best of all, you always tell me it’s downright necessary to buy the shoes.