When was the last time you were ridiculously ridiculous with your friends? For some of us, it was last weekend while others might not be able to recall a time at all. My daughter has two friends whom we lovingly refer to as the Sugar Sisters. They earned this group name because when they are together, they act like they were dipped, rolled, and doused in Pixy Stix powder. They are in a constant state of giggle that can only be fed by sugar – and friendship.
I’ve run a summer camp for the girls for the last three years which is, of course, called Sugar Camp. I run it like a legit camp. We have a theme and a curriculum to follow (reading a specific book followed by a group discussion). The agenda includes quiet time, lake time, craft time, and learning time. Camp also includes a moment in the afternoon where they get to raid the Sugar Shack which, you guessed it, is a giant tray of various types of candy.
Over the years during the learning time, the girls have been taught about car maintenance, where to find the places under the hood to maintain, and how to change a tire. They took a small engine repair lesson where they did the work to get a 4-wheeler carburetor cleaned and the whole ATV working again (after its two-year sabbatical from use). They took a self-defense course, learned to cook on a fire, and discovered how much and how many different materials a single human consumes from the Earth.
My favorite lesson was the year we learned about the running of a dairy farm. We lucked out and happened to be on the farm the day they were inseminating the cows. Now, I grew up on a small farm in North Dakota and while I wasn’t born in a barn – which my mother often wondered – I was raised in one, so seeing a grown man’s arm up inside of a cow was nothing new to me. Seeing it through the eyes of these city teenagers, however, was priceless!
The Sugar Sisters have been friends for about 10 years now. I wondered if they would remain as close as they had been now that there are boyfriends and cars in the picture. I wondered if their friendship dynamic would change. Still, as Camp Counselor Case, I went into this year’s Sugar Camp with my focus on the agenda hoping that it would be impactful for them. As I watched them throughout our days at camp and led them through the discussions, I realized it was me that received the lesson and who had an impactful realization about friendship.
Three values bubbled up as I sat back and watched these Schoogs in their element:
- Be authentically me. These girls skip, tumble, nosh on whatever is yummy during camp, splash in the water, sing, and wear life jackets like diapers. They say, do, and act in whatever way that is individually theirs. And the best part? They love each other for it, shown in support by laughter and encouragement. I never saw a glimpse of any secret eye rolling or behind-the-back talking. I heard them share confessions openly and then saw them dive in to support with their own vulnerability.
- Protect my friendships. These are 15 and 16-year-olds who chose to do this camp together. They know Sugar Camp is going to be filled with deep questions from Camp Counselor Case and learning new things together – and sometimes it’s going to be awkward. Yet, they request this devoted time together where they are learning, growing, and being their authentic selves. They could have chosen a mall, their phones, other friends (to include boyfriends), or nothing, yet they chose this kind of time together. Even outside of camp, they know when they’ve been apart for too long, so they intentionally make time to be together.
- Be honest. That sounds like a “no-duh”, but it can often be something that gets tempered out of fear of hurting someone’s feelings or the desire to avoid conflict. Even with our greatest friends, it can be hard to hold each other accountable – and to allow our friends to hold us accountable. These girls call each other out when necessary. The calling out sometimes sounds like “stop!” or “that hurt my feelings!” And then they stop, apologize, and move on. There’s no name-calling, table-flipping, or even cocooning/retreating that follows. How great is it to have that honest trust with our friends? How great is it to have confidence that we can say when we see our friend not being their best self or even when they are just being too much? How great is it to be on the receiving end of that and to have the assurance that we’re not being attacked as a person? They respect each other’s honesty and they give honesty. Sometimes they do need a break to be by themselves and sometimes they don’t get along, but there is always grace.
These girls belch, snort, fall, cry, and laugh. They accept and respect each other. They are open to saying what’s deep and in their hearts in front of each other. They know each other’s fears, truths, and wishes. They support each other as unique individuals while also supporting their friendship because that is just as unique.
This year’s theme at Sugar Camp was fearless. I didn’t intend for the resulting connection between authenticity, protection, and honesty but I see now how much the word and mindset of fearless plays into those values. When we are honest and authentic with our friends, it promotes vulnerability. In turn, being honest and authentic drives the desire to protect that friendship.
Having those kinds of friendships also promote a fearless mindset because you have a support group around you, for when you need an advocate, or for when you need to just be, to laugh, to learn, to be held accountable, to act ridiculously.
I created Vive Unlimited out of the love for friendship and the connection that happens when those three values – authenticity, protection, and honesty – are at play. I saw the need for myself, and I see the need for others to have the kind of space to act as though you’ve just sucked down 17 Pixy Stix while also sitting together and getting real about life. All of this takes intention, however. While I saw the need and took inspired action, it still took the Sugar Sisters to show me the ingredients and remind me of the beauty of the sweet recipe.
So here’s my question for you. How are you being intentional in your friendships to be authentic, honest, and protective?
The ViveX is a different kind of girl weekend created as a solution. You can find out more and register at www.ViveUnlimited.com/ViveX.